Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
