People in love make me want to vomit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
