I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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