Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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