just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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