The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
