i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
