Plan B is the new Plan A
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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