He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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