I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
