I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
