I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
