Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
