id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
