your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
