watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
