I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
