Your tits are I can't wait for
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
