It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
