i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
