Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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