I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
