You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
