god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
