if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
