You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
