Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
