so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
