I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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