strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
