so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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