i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
