omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
