OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
