in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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