We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
