at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
