If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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