I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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