Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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