what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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