Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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