I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
