I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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