The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
