So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it's great music for shaving your balls
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
