and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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