do herpes really smell.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
