I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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