Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
