i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
