so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
